“Ugh. Imagine. That mangy Prophet not even knowing who you were. How disgraceful. Better disinfect in here, brother. What was he doing in your room anyways? Why was he even here to begin with?” His tone took on a dark edge at this last sentence. When he got only silence from me, he frowned, “Mercedes?”
Why could he have everything that I wasn’t allowed? Didn’t I deserve friendship too? Why did I always have to be alone, the cold, overcast moon to his radiant sun? I didn’t care about him anymore. I didn’t care about Mercy or the Mortiferi or the bloody Fates either. I didn’t care about any of it anymore. I felt shattered and brittle all of the sudden, somehow betrayed. Did Shaun know all along who I was? Did he merely get close to me to get inside information on the Mortiferi and Mercy? Suddenly, I was so angry at my twin. It was always about him! Whether he was the center of attention, I was doing a job for him or I was worrying about his bloody safety! For once I needed something to be about me and he had just ruined it all.
“Get out…” I whispered, deathly quiet, interrupting my brother’s prattling.
“GET OUT!! Get out now! You ruin everything!” I screamed, blind rage taking over my every thought.
Merceillious seemed taken aback suddenly. After all, I had never screamed at him before, and only once or twice screamed at anyone else. It just wasn’t me, wasn’t who I was. But now, I was so angry! I just wanted him to leave. The thought of being in the same room as him made me reel with rage. He began to say something but seemed to think better of it. My bedroom door closed and I was left alone at last. A single tear escaped from my useless eyes and I scrubbed it away furiously. Boys didn’t cry after all. Especially about other stupid boys. So then why did they just keep coming against my will?
~ o ~
I was laying face down on the well used leather couch in Anette’s quarters, waiting for her to return from serving dinner. I hadn’t gone, something I knew would irk my brother to no end. Mercy had always demanded everyone eat together at the dinner table if they were able to make it home. By refusing to go, it was like one big SCREW YOU to my twin’s face. Hence the number two reason that I was hiding in Anette’s rooms. The number one? Well…I just really needed someone to talk to. She had grown up with us and had ended up the house’s impromptu therapist. I don’t know what we would do if she ever decided to leave. Probably starve and kill each other. I heard the door open and close and an irritated scoff.
“Oh for heaven’s sake, Mercy! Just tell Nathaniel how you- oh, Mercedes. I’m sorry. I thought you were your brother for a moment.” She apologized quickly, her voice smoothing from annoyance to concerned softness.
I gave her a sardonic smile. She went bustling around, making me a cup of hot chocolate and getting a plate of snacks together since I had missed dinner. As she moved about, I began to tell her my woes concerning Mercy and Shaun.
“-And it turns out that he was a Prophet, their leader! And I’m just so…angry at Mercy for running him off! I don’t have any friends. All I’ve ever had was Mercy and I really liked Shaun…” My voice wavered at my admission.
She gave a soft sigh and sat next to me, wrapping her arms around me tenderly. I buried my face into her neck, feeling more pathetic than ever but relishing in being held by someone. It reminded me when her mother used to hold me like this when I was ill. I imagined it was the closest I would ever get to knowing how it felt to have a mother. When someone how loves you holds you when you’re sad, that’s what home is. Not a big house or a playground or theater.
“Oh, Mercedes…Look at it from your brother’s perspective. He walks in and sees the guy he considers his enemy sitting disturbingly close to his brother. You know he’s very protective of you. He likely didn’t even realize that you liked Shaun so much so he jumped at the chance to get him away from you. You’re not the only one who only has one person. Mercy has had to contest with being the head of the family since he was ten. He may be all that you have, but, you know, you’re all he has too. He’s likely driving himself mad with trying to find out how to get back in your good graces. Does that make sense?”
I nodded. Strangely, it did make sense. I had never thought about Mercy being in the same boat as me. He was always so stoic and arrogant with his Better Than Thou attitude. I knew that it was just his personality so I never took offense. In his own way, everything he did was for the good of our odd little family. Like when he tipped my chair and threw things at me randomly. He was keeping me on my toes for when I go out and have to do a run in the field. He never let me go out by myself because he was afraid for me. He’d always had his one night stands that he brought home but he never took interest in any of them. He was just as alone as me. I smiled lightly and gave Anette a peck on the cheek.
“Thank you, Anette.” I whispered before tucking into the food she had brought me.
- Providence (thewritersbay.wordpress.com)